Tuesday, 3 May 2011

Justin Bieber Is A Singer. How Am I Still Alive?

Doesnt he look lovely? Just like a pretty lady.

Justin Bieber. These are two words I hate even more than 'Avada Kedavra' or 'Food's Over'. I mean, seriously. I would rather take a bullet through my head than listen to Justin Bieber squack. I say that because I refuse to believe that he actually sings. I absolutely refuse to believe that. If he is a singer, then I am a two headed monster with the superpower of peeing through my nose....although...now that I think of it, that superpower would be pretty useless, right? Ah, anyways. People might say that is gross, but that is just how I see it.

Now back to the Biebs. I heard he is taking voice lessons because his voice is breaking. I hope it breaks for the worse, so that I no longer have to listen to...whatever he squacks out from his mouth.. Although...I have a nagging suspicion that that wont stop him. After all, bad voice didnt stop him before. Why would it stop him now? I know Bieb-Lovers would say I am being nasty because I get to hide behind my computer screen. But trust me. I would say more vicious things to his face if I get a chance. Although..I would never pay a dime to watch him....squack live just to throw eggs at him. Because that would be a waste of my money. And the eggs. Which I would rather eat. Scrambled, of course.

You know what? I thought just occured to me. My relationship with Bieber would be best defined by Bruno Mars's horrible song 'Grenade'. I would, with all my heart, catch a grenade for him, throw my hand in front of a blade for him.....to STOP HIM FROM SINGING!!!!!! I know I am being mean, but its fricking true. When I listen to him, it feels like my ears are getting raped. And though I am not much into mainstream music, I hate no other artist more than him. Infact, barring a few idiots, I admire some of the mainstram pop singers. Like Lady Gaga. That chick's got serious balls. Not....literally, of course. Atleast I think so.

For anyone who is gearing up to kill me (highly unlikely, I might as well add, since no one reads my blog anyways), I just want to point out the uselessness of his lyrics. That guy doesnt even have proper grammar! Like...U smile. SERIOUSLY?? Was it that hard to say 'you'? Are you texting a friend in a hurry that you have to use 'U' instead of 'you'? Honestly. All literary scholars are squirming in their graves.

Do not hate me for it, Beliebers (what the fuck does that even mean? BELIEBERS? Lame.) But it is true. Atleast for me. Justin Bieber is horrible. Its been said!!!

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